I<\/span>t\u2019s an awkward time to be a man in America.<\/p>\n It\u2019s beyond question that men have a long history of misogyny and overpowering relationships. For all that being masculine is nothing inherently to be ashamed of, at times it can become toxic and cause harm to you and those around you.<\/p>\n But in the well-intentioned quest to rid the world of toxic masculinity, it seems that masculinity of any kind has become a problem. Men are conditioned to hold back from asserting themselves for fear that it will come across as domineering and harmful as it has for centuries.<\/p>\n But we\u2019ve gone too far in the other direction, and so many men are now perennial \u2018nice guys.\u2019 They always try to play it safe, and in doing so, they devalue their opinions for the sake of harmony. They avoid taking the lead in relationships and prioritize acquiescence in order to keep the peace.<\/p>\n Ironically, this does not help in intimate relationships with women. As a relationship coach, I have seen that above all, women want a partner who will listen, acknowledge, and validate their feelings, and consider them equal in the relationship. Instead, when men put their own opinions aside and abdicate any leadership in the relationship, women feel alone and frustrated. Women never asked for men to stop taking the lead. They wanted us to stop forcing our lead on them.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve spoken to many women in my years as a relationship coach, including strong, accomplished women, and they all say that they hate when men behave passively. They feel trapped between a rock and a hard place — they won\u2019t tolerate a domineering man, but they aren\u2019t attracted at all to \u201cMr. Nice Guy.\u201d<\/p>\n Men are just as stymied. They\u2019re hesitant to be decisive or confident because they fear reprisal, or being labeled misogynist. But they also can\u2019t seem to keep a woman\u2019s attention if they\u2019re too deferential or passive. Unfortunately, there are many men that see these as the only two options.<\/p>\n But those don\u2019t have to be the only two options — there\u2019s ample space between those two extremes. Men can be in their power AND work collaboratively with the woman in his life. I talk about this in my book The Masculine in Relationship<\/a>, where I lay out a three-part blueprint for living from a strong, masculine core.<\/p>\n The first pillar of this tripartite strategy is the concept of \u201cRespond vs. React.\u201d This addresses a man\u2019s capacity to stay grounded despite high emotions, challenges, and interpersonal tension. To stay grounded exudes power and calms others. The Masculine in Relationship shows how a man can foster this mindset by understanding his emotions and directing them in daily practice.<\/p>\n The second pillar is to Provide Structure. This is the method a man can provide clarity and directionality to his female partner. Step one is understanding his own desires, needs, preferences, and boundaries.<\/p>\n Instead of constant deference to the woman in his life, thinking this is the path of least resistance, he also offers his own perspective. This could look like suggesting options for a vacation as opposed to asking her where she wants to go; it could also look like creating structure based on honoring both partners\u2019 needs.<\/p>\n If a man wants time with his friends, but always asks last minute and disrupts previously conceived plans to spend time with his partner, that creates tension in the relationship. If instead, he offered a set time every now and then for his friends, expectations would be adjusted all around. Structure and clarity can do so much in maintaining a hospitable environment in any relationship.<\/p>\n Finally, the third pillar is to Create Safety. While this can include anything from physical safety to financial safety, I want to pay special attention to emotional safety. If a man isn\u2019t tracking the events and emotions in his partner\u2019s life, she feels forgotten, \u2018dropped,\u2019 and no longer emotionally safe. If a man doesn\u2019t live up to his word and follow-through, she feels unsafe. When a man honors and holds space for her emotions, she\u2019ll feel safe. With safety comes relaxation and intimacy– it\u2019s crucial to help her feel safe.<\/p>\n Please note that none of the three pillars involve asserting compulsive or non-consensual control over a partner. This is the crux of Toxic Masculinity, called rightfully so. It also doesn\u2019t ask for complete passivity and ignoring needs and boundaries — this walks the middle road.<\/p>\n At the end of the day, the man offers his lead, and the woman can choose whether or not to follow this lead. Manifesting this masculine blueprint is key to offering a lead that feels safe and appealing. And with this grounded confidence, a man becomes uniquely attractive to his partner.<\/p>\n A three-part blueprint for living from a strong, masculine core<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":10523,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[129,130],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fall-2020","category-fall-2020-columns"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10397"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10656,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10397\/revisions\/10656"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10523"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}GS Youngblood, is the author of The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman.<\/a> He is a coach who helps men in relationships learn to live, love and lead from their masculine core. He specializes in \u201cnice guys\u201d who want to find their personal power. Learn more at gsyoungblood.com.<\/a><\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"