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Jonathan and Laura DiFranco. Photo: Courtesy of Laura DiFranco<\/p><\/div>\n
It took us six years to earn the coveted black belt, and while we watched other students from different schools wearing their belts well before us, we knew it wasn\u2019t about how fast we achieved that goal.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you nervous?\u201d I asked my son that day as we stood in the driveway with our gear bags waiting for one of our classmates to pick us up and take us to the dojo for our exam. \u201cA little,\u201d he said. He was quiet for the rest of the ride there.<\/p>\n
That night ended up with his head buried in my arm to hide the tears of relief from his colleagues. We made it. We passed the exam! \u201cThere\u2019s no crying in Taekwondo!\u201d I remember one of our instructors joking with us in class one day. But we\u2019d just finished a grueling nine-hour test meant to help us know what we were made of. Those tears were unavoidable, and they dried up quickly as we were ushered through the traditional gauntlet of high fives to celebrate with our teammates. We felt proud. We\u2019d earned those crisp, new belts and we felt honored to wear them.<\/p>\n
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Photo: Cavalheri Photography<\/p><\/div>\n
Mastering martial art, when you\u2019re lucky enough to learn from an instructor who understands how to teach in an encouraging manner, is a life-changing journey. You aren\u2019t just guided to achieving the best physical condition of your life, you\u2019re guided to understanding your mind in a way that serves every difficult thing you will ever do from then on. I began that journey at 38. I was in great shape but didn\u2019t realize what gifts I\u2019d be given that had nothing to do with being able to land an ax kick on the top of my six-foot-tall opponent. I\u2019m five-foot-three, by the way.<\/p>\n
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Jonathan at his belt promotion. Photo: Courtesy of Laura Di Franco<\/p><\/div>\n
\u201cDiscipline the mind; the body will follow,\u201d Grandmaster John L. Holloway said.<\/p>\n
When I created a discipline of the awareness of my mind and the fear thoughts, everything else in my life became a challenge of practicing that awareness. Every moment of difficulty, tragedy, trauma or seemingly impossible experiences became a test of whether or not I could walk through that dark alley of my mind and come out on the other side choosing something better to think or believe.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if I fail the test, Mom?\u201d A sigh escaped my lips before I could answer. \u201cTry not to think about that, Bub. At this moment, we\u2019re as prepared as we will ever be. We\u2019ve done the work, and we\u2019ll do our very best. It\u2019s time to let go of whatever outcome might happen and feel strong and proud of how far we\u2019ve come.\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew I wouldn\u2019t be able to say anything that could take all his fear away. And that was his challenge to overcome. Part of understanding what you\u2019re made of is getting through the exam without anyone else doing it for you, both physically and mentally.<\/p>\n
If it were easy, the achievement wouldn\u2019t mean as much. I was talking to my 44-year old self that day as much as I was talking to him. I could feel the fear in my chest and gut, that purpose-driven fear. I knew we were about to complete a journey we\u2019d started six years prior, but I also knew we were just beginning a much bigger journey.<\/p>\n
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Laura DiFranco working on her split stretch. Photo: Courtesy of Laura Di Franco<\/p><\/div>\n
\u201cWhen you earn your black belt, it\u2019s more about what you don\u2019t know than what you know.\u201d One of my favorite instructors reminded me one day of the beginner\u2019s mind we adopt in the martial arts.<\/p>\n
There are so many lessons, insights, awareness, practices, and gifts that have come over the years from this profound healing journey. What I didn\u2019t realize in the beginning is that the challenge was only the beginning. And that I\u2019d draw on every ounce of every lesson taught years afterward. And I\u2019d think of that nine-hour exam as \u201ceasy\u201d one day, compared to the real-life challenges to come. And\u2026I would persevere with an indomitable spirit because, thanks to my second family in that dojo, I learned how to do that no matter what.<\/p>\n