{"id":11220,"date":"2021-05-31T16:22:02","date_gmt":"2021-05-31T16:22:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/?p=11220"},"modified":"2021-06-22T14:35:10","modified_gmt":"2021-06-22T14:35:10","slug":"caregiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/spring-summer-2021\/caregiving\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiving"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Honor Relationships While Caregiving<\/strong><\/h3>\n

By Aaron Blight, Ed.D.<\/p><\/p>\n

C<\/span>aregiving changes relationships. While this can be disorienting and unwelcome, it\u2019s among the most critical things for caregivers to realize as they seek to meet the ongoing needs of a loved one who is aging, sick, or disabled. By recognizing that relationships are changing, caregivers are also uniquely positioned to honor their relationships with care receivers.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve become a family caregiver, you and your loved one have a shared relationship history. Whatever your family relationship is, your interactions with your loved one were historically based upon the roles (e.g., parent-child) that each of you filled in the relationship.<\/p>\n

The role that you have played in this relationship has personal significance and meaning. The history between the two of you continues to affect how you perceive and interact with your loved one today.<\/p>\n

Changing from Loved One to Caregiver<\/h3>\n

Caregiving requires a different type of role-based relationship between two people: a care receiver and a caregiver. The caregiving roles only emerge because of an unanticipated health condition. Nevertheless, if you do it long enough, caregiving will alter the nature of your relationship with your loved one.<\/p>\n

You can see how your relationship has changed by comparing the terms of your historical relationship with your loved one to the new terms of your caregiving relationship with your loved one.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s use the example of your mother for purposes of illustration.<\/p>\n

As you think about your relationship with your mother, you remember that she bore the special responsibility of raising you when you were a child. Now that you\u2019re an adult, your historical relationship with your mother is embedded in your subconscious mind; it affects how you perceive your mother and how you act around her, even today.<\/p>\n

Your mom has played a special role in your life, and it\u2019s hard to imagine her in any other way.<\/p>\n

When the mother who cared for you becomes dependent upon care by you, the change can be unexpectedly challenging to comprehend and accept.<\/p>\n

You might begin the early stages of caregiving by reminding your mother about things she forgets, but eventually, you may find yourself changing your mother\u2019s adult diapers.<\/p>\n

Family caregivers are dismayed to observe a loved one in such need, but they also often struggle to navigate the degree of their own involvement in the caregiving tasks required.<\/p>\n

Research from applied gerontology suggests that family caregiving is marked by a series of role-based transitions, which start from an initial set of family relations and change over time due to changes in the caregiving context.<\/p>\n

As the care receiver\u2019s needs become more significant, the caregiver\u2019s actions must change\u2014and this changes the caregiver\u2019s role identity within the relationship.<\/p>\n

Thus, if you\u2019re caring for your mother, the parent-child history of your lives becomes intertwined with\u2014or perhaps even subsumed by\u2014the tasks of caregiving. As her care requirements grow and you continue to help, you may awaken to a sobering realization of how things have become different. You may even start to ask yourself: who am I now in this relationship?<\/p>\n

Honoring Relationships While You Give Care<\/h3>\n

Although you\u2019re observing changes in your relationship with your mother because of her care-related needs, the woman you\u2019re caring for is still your mother. As a result, honoring your relationship with your mother is a critical component of continuing to care for her.<\/p>\n

There are three steps to honoring relationships while caregiving:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Remembering<\/strong> your historical relationship with your loved one<\/li>\n
  2. Acknowledging<\/strong> that things are changing due to your loved one\u2019s health conditions<\/li>\n
  3. Adapting<\/strong> to the terms of an emerging care-based relationship with your loved one without forgetting the history you share.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Adapting to the terms of a new care-based relationship with your loved one could involve uncomfortable topics of conversation concerning your loved one, the performance of caregiving tasks you never had to do before, or spending more (or less) time together.<\/p>\n

    As the needs of care receivers continue to evolve, caregivers must make corresponding adjustments. Through it all, family caregivers remember in their minds and hearts that the person they\u2019re caring for is unique.<\/p>\n

    Honoring relationships allows caregivers to nurture and continue to be present for the important people in their lives. While caregiving functions may change the nature of interactions between participants, the historic relationship bond between caregivers and their loved ones motivates caregivers to summon the strength they need to continue to care.<\/p>\n

    Evaluating Where You Are Today<\/h3>\n

    Perhaps you are caring for a spouse, a parent, a sibling, or another family member. Whoever your care receiver may be, you have observed changes in your loved one\u2019s health condition, which prompted your involvement in caregiving support. It\u2019s also possible that you have already noticed how caregiving is subtly affecting relationship dynamics with your loved one.<\/p>\n

    Your historic family relationship may seem like your current care-oriented relationship shadows it, but you know it is still there. As you continue caregiving, you will remember how things used to be and make ongoing adjustments in the physical and relational aspects of care.<\/p>\n

    To help you evaluate your feelings about the situation, here are five questions to ask yourself about your relationship with your loved one, the care receiver:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. How would you describe your historical<\/em> relationship with your loved one?<\/li>\n
    2. How would you describe your current<\/em> relationship with your loved one?<\/li>\n
    3. How has caregiving affected your relationship with your care receiver?<\/li>\n
    4. How do you feel about the changes that caregiving has brought into the relationship?<\/li>\n
    5. If your answer to Question #4 produced some strong negative emotions, which caregiving tasks are most likely to trigger your negative feelings? How could these tasks be adjusted for you to feel more positive about your relationship with your loved one?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Sometimes negative feelings arise in response to changes families must confront in the trials associated with a loved one\u2019s health condition. If you\u2019re experiencing conflict or negative emotions as a family caregiver, what you\u2019re feeling is relatively standard.<\/p>\n

      Licensed professional counselors or caregiver support groups are excellent sources of help for family caregivers who are struggling.<\/p>\n

      In addition, remember that although caregiving changes relationships, it also has the potential to strengthen relationships.<\/p>\n

      Learning how to adapt to a caregiving role enables you to see your loved one differently, better appreciate your shared history, and be there for your loved one during the times you\u2019re needed most.<\/p>\n

      Aaron Blight, Ed.D<\/a>., is the author of When Caregiving Calls: Guidance as You Care for a Parent, Spouse, or Aging Relativ<\/em>e<\/a> and the founder of Caregiving Kinetics<\/a> (\/).<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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