H<\/span>ow would it feel to use technology less? To get rid of some apps, or at least to turn off notifications on them? To set aside certain hours where you unplug? It might give your brain and your pain a chance to relax. Brett\u2019s brunch can wait.<\/p>\n In her book, Bossypants<\/em>, Tina Fey talks about struggling with a major life decision as she approached forty. Should she have a second child, or should she continue focusing on her career? She felt that she needed to choose between the two options since, as she put it, \u201cscience shows that fertility and movie offers drop off steeply for women after forty.\u201d<\/p>\n After months of anxiety, she found herself at her doctor\u2019s office for an annual checkup. The moment her physician entered the room, Tina burst into tears.\n.\nHer doctor listened to her anxiously weigh the pros and cons of each option, then calmly told her, \u201cEither way, everything will be fine.\u201d That\u2019s all it took. Tina\u2019s anxiety melted away.<\/p>\n The feeling of uncertainty can be difficult to bear. Often we put pressure on ourselves when we\u2019re faced with the unknown:<\/p>\n \u201cShould I go to UCLA, or should I go to USC?\u201d\n\u201cShould I get a job, or should I go to grad school?\u201d\n\u201cShould I order pizza, or should I get a salad?\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes we get so worked up about a decision that it feels like one outcome will be great and the other will be a total disaster. That kind of extreme thinking is sure to activate our danger signals. I\u2019ve seen this pattern in many of my patients. They agonize over a choice. They convince themselves that it\u2019s very high stakes, which keeps their brains on high alert and exacerbates their pain.<\/p>\n During these times, the single best thing you can say to comfort yourself is this: \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay either way.\u201d<\/p>\n Now, does this mean that one outcome isn\u2019t preferable to another? Of course not. There\u2019s often going to be one outcome that\u2019s more desirable. But there\u2019s a difference between telling yourself, \u201cOne outcome is great, and the other is a disaster,\u201d and \u201cBoth outcomes are fine, though one might be better.\u201d One is terrifying, while the other one is reassuring.<\/p>\n Remember safety reappraisal? It\u2019s the part of somatic tracking where you send yourself messages of safety. \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay either way\u201d is a type of safety reappraisal that can be really effective in the face of uncertainty. It comforts your brain on a fundamental level; you\u2019re not in danger.<\/p>\n Of course, 1 percent isn\u2019t going to be okay either way. For example, if you\u2019re told that you have a tumor, and in three days you\u2019ll find out whether it\u2019s malignant or benign, one outcome truly isn\u2019t okay. In these cases, all you can do is use whatever coping mechanisms you have to get through that waiting period and hope for a positive outcome.<\/p>\n But 99 percent of the time, it is going to be okay either way. And when you find yourself worrying about a particular outcome or agonizing over a decision, giving yourself that message can go a long way toward reducing your anxiety and helping you feel safe.<\/p>\n By the way, Tina Fey ended up having a second child and continued making movies into her forties. The moral of her story is that not only do most of the things you worry about never actually happen, but often when you stop worrying, you allow your life to unfold in ways you could never have imagined.<\/p>\n Unlearning chronic pain<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11704,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[144,146],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11645","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fall-2021","category-fall-2021-features"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11645","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11645"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11645\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11975,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11645\/revisions\/11975"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11704"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11645"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11645"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11645"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Facing Uncertainty<\/h3>\n
Alan Gordon, LCSW, is the founder and executive director of the Pain Psychology Center<\/a>, and co-author, with Alon Ziv, of THE WAY OUT: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain<\/a>. Alon Ziv<\/h5>\n
Excerpted from THE WAY OUT<\/a>, by Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv, published by Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright \u00a9 2021 by Alon Ziv and Alan Gordon.<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"