{"id":13307,"date":"2023-02-15T11:06:49","date_gmt":"2023-02-15T11:06:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/?p=13307"},"modified":"2023-02-15T15:24:12","modified_gmt":"2023-02-15T15:24:12","slug":"turning-midlife-crisis-into-opportunity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/winter-2023\/turning-midlife-crisis-into-opportunity\/","title":{"rendered":"Turning Midlife Crisis Into Opportunity"},"content":{"rendered":"

Appearing on a reality TV show revealed my tipping point.<\/h3>\n

What\u2019s yours?<\/h3>\n

By Hilary DeCesare<\/p><\/p>\n

H<\/span>ave you ever considered that when you feel the most dissatisfied, unhappy, or unworthy, it may be because the reality of your life doesn\u2019t match up with where you thought you would be?<\/p>\n

When you have those feelings, the key is to listen to yourself because that discomfort, the feeling of being out of alignment, can be the tipping point for a new beginning.<\/p>\n

My tipping point \u2014 the awareness that something was out of alignment \u2014 came from stepping outside of my comfort zone in the unlikely form of a TV reality show. For you, it might be a family event, a situation at work, or a blowup that makes you feel you just can\u2019t take anymore.<\/p>\n

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Hilary DeCesare. Photo courtesy of the author.<\/p><\/div>\n

Becoming a successful, multi-venture entrepreneur who could make an impact had long been one of my goals. As part of California\u2019s cutting-edge entrepreneurial community, I appeared outwardly successful. On the inside, however, I was not the confident woman I appeared to be. I was moving so fast, in a workaholic, superwoman fashion, that my underlying unease didn\u2019t register \u2014 until I appeared on ABC\u2019s \u201cThe Secret Millionaire<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you are unfamiliar with it, the show\u2019s synopsis goes like this: Millionaires leave their luxurious world to delve deeper into the lives of ordinary people. Without revealing their true identity, they get to know those around them to do a good deed.<\/p>\n

Helping others has always been at my core, personally and professionally. So when I was asked to be on the show, I saw it as a golden opportunity to make a bigger impact.<\/p>\n

The goal of the show was to give non-profit organizations a voice, visibility, and much-needed financial support to raise awareness of their amazing work. As it turned out, I was the one who was helped in the end.<\/p>\n

During production, the producers avoided the Hollywood treatment to keep the focus on the charities and the people they were serving. They set me up in a small house in one of the worst areas of Long Beach, California. \u201cWardrobe\u201d was simple: no frills and no fuss. The point was to blend in, not stand out.<\/p>\n

My house was filthy, so I spent my first night scrubbing and cleaning with Clorox and Lysol. It was not unusual to discover rat droppings in the morning. I learned from a neighbor that somebody had been shot on the corner the week before.<\/p>\n

What had I signed up for? I thought of my kids, my own clean house. After that first night, I actually called the show producer and told her I didn\u2019t think I was a good fit. But the producers gave me no out. They were trying to break me down, giving me only minimum wage for food purchases and removing anything that reminded me of home.<\/p>\n

The producers had a reason for putting me in that position. Finding gratitude is often about stripping away the nonessentials to appreciate what\u2019s truly important. In the case of \u201cThe Secret Millionaire,\u201d they were putting me in a minimalist living situation so I could show up in a better place and meet the nonprofit\u2019s volunteers and those they were helping on a more loving and empathetic level.<\/p>\n

I realized I couldn\u2019t leave; there was a much bigger lesson I needed to learn and share.<\/p>\n

Coming into the show, I thought I was checking all the boxes. As a single mom, I was proud of my \u201cjuggling\u201d capabilities. In the span of that week, however, I was meeting single moms who were living on the street with their kids \u2014 people who would have thought the \u2018disgusting\u2019 house I was in for one measly week was an unaffordable luxury.<\/p>\n

During production, I got involved in everyday tasks, from shoveling horse poop for a charity that offered equine therapy to meeting the homeless and giving them sandwiches. I helped create a memorial for a young boy who had died.<\/p>\n

The things I saw and the people I met truly opened my eyes. Granted, it was only a week, and it was only a TV show \u2014 a tiny, curated slice of real life \u2014 but the situation, the people, and the emotions involved were absolutely real.<\/p>\n

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Hilary DeCesare speaking to a group. Photo: Courtesy of the author<\/p><\/div>\n

Being on the show forced me to look inward at the identity I had created. I\u2019d been living almost entirely in my head \u2014 running a business, seeking investors, managing my family\u2019s schedule, traveling, speaking, presenting, and being busy with calls and meetings. There was no room for my heart. Suddenly I was given a glimpse into a world from which I was so far removed. The experience jolted me into seeking some kind of perspective on my own life.<\/p>\n

I started thinking about what I wanted to do in my work and in my personal life. For the first time in years, I started journaling, asking and answering questions such as:<\/p>\n