{"id":13696,"date":"2023-06-05T18:46:27","date_gmt":"2023-06-05T18:46:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/?p=13696"},"modified":"2023-06-07T19:37:41","modified_gmt":"2023-06-07T19:37:41","slug":"the-magic-of-midlife-friendships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/spring-summer-2023\/the-magic-of-midlife-friendships\/","title":{"rendered":"The Magic of Midlife Friendships"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ann Douglas has interviewed over 100 women of different backgrounds and identities, sharing their diverse conversations about the complex and intertwined issues that women must grapple with in midlife: from family responsibilities to career pivots, health concerns to building community. Following is an excerpt on the importance of having friends in midlife and notes from some of the women interviewed.<\/em><\/h4>\n

By Ann Douglas<\/p><\/p>\n

F<\/span>riendships with other women aren\u2019t just important to Jackie, as she journeys through midlife; they pretty much mean everything to her. \u201cI think the biggest thing that I\u2019ve learned about midlife is that the more you talk to other women, the better you feel,\u201d the fifty-year-old writer and speaker explains.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd, sure, you might spend a lot of time complaining to one another about some of the more negative aspects of midlife. Misery loves company and all that. But there\u2019s something to be said for how good it feels to know that you\u2019re not alone, whatever it is you might be dealing with. It\u2019s so important to not just suffer in silence. You need some kind of support. You shouldn\u2019t feel like you have to go through this alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

And here\u2019s something else that\u2019s worth noting: it isn\u2019t healthy to travel through life alone\u2014not at midlife and not at any other life stage. There\u2019s a solid body of research to demonstrate that loneliness can increase your risk of illness and even premature death. In fact, it\u2019s as bad for your health as smoking!<\/p>\n

And if you\u2019re counting on a partner to be your buffer against late-in-life loneliness, you might want to hedge your bets a little by investing in friendships as well. According to a 2019 study published in Psychology and Aging<\/em>, the current generation of older adults is less likely than previous generations of older adults to rely on a romantic partner for social support and more likely to rely on friends.<\/p>\n

Of course, you don\u2019t have to wait until the future to start reaping the benefits of these all-important friendships. You can start reaping the rewards in the here and now.<\/p>\n

Lola, a forty-four-year-old writer and single mother, really values the frank and honest conversations she is able to have with a trusted group of friends. These conversations celebrate the joys and acknowledge the struggles of this particular life stage.<\/p>\n

\u201cIncreasingly, it\u2019s this core group of friends that get me through this. These women know everything. They\u2019re the women I talk to about the fact that I\u2019ve been constipated since child number two was born\u2014the fact that nothing\u2019s ever working properly downstairs.\u201d These conversations help to counter the too-perfect images of midlife that she keeps bumping up against in other areas of her life, whether she\u2019s flipping through the pages of a magazine or scrolling through social media.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a glossy veneer over everything, but that\u2019s not how life actually is. Real life is messy and weird. And maybe if we were able to admit that a little more often, we\u2019d feel better about our lives.\u201d That\u2019s what these friendships do for her: remind her that she\u2019s not the only person finding midlife messy or hard.<\/p>\n

Sandra also considers these kinds of soul-nourishing friendships to be the emotional equivalent of a life raft at midlife. \u201cFriends are so essential,\u201d the fifty-year-old freelance communications consultant and mother explains. \u201cI am so blessed with friends who have supported me, laughed with me, and cried with me. I am so happy to have friends from high school still in my life, and the amazing gift of new friendships with strong, supportive, creative, amazing women. Friendships are golden, and women at midlife need them more than ever.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paige, fifty-two, has been able to tap into that support on a daily basis, while weathering a series of painful personal storms this past year: the loss of her job, her spouse\u2019s mental health crisis, and, more recently, her decision to end her marriage.<\/p>\n

Lately, she\u2019s been thinking a lot about the far-reaching impact of that support and what it means to both give and receive love as a friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hoped that one thing that midlife would bring is strength in relationships, and it has,\u201d she explains. \u201cI have an incredible community of women: friends as well as my sister. I\u2019m surrounded by women and connected with women who hold me up when I don\u2019t think I can keep going. There hasn\u2019t been a day that\u2019s gone by since this crisis began that I haven\u2019t received a phone call, a text message, an email, a card in the mail, a basket of care products\u2014just so much beauty. It\u2019s the first time I\u2019ve really been on the receiving end of that much love. I think that\u2019s the gift of midlife for women: if you have cultivated and nurtured your relationships with other women, you are never alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

And chances are, your own personal learning and growth over the years have given you the capacity to be a better friend. \u201cI do a lot more listening than I do talking at this point in my life,\u201d says Shauna, fifty-three. \u201cI listen to other women, and I support them. I no longer feel like we\u2019re in competition with one another. And I\u2019m also just a lot more authentic. I feel like the filters have really come off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire, forty, agrees. \u201cI love and give with fewer strings attached, not because I want something in return but because I\u2019m grateful for what I have.\u201d<\/p>\n

Excerpt from pages 169-171 of Navigating the Messy Middle: A Fiercely Honest and Wildly Encouraging Guide for Midlife<\/a> Women<\/em> by Ann Douglas\u00a9 (Douglas & McIntyre, 2022). Reprinted with permission from the publisher.<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Real life can be messy. Why friends can come to the rescue<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":13753,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[170,172],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13696","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spring-summer-2023","category-spring-summer-2023-features"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13696","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13696"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13696\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13924,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13696\/revisions\/13924"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13696"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13696"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13696"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}