F<\/span>or the last three decades, I\u2019ve spent my professional life as a woman truly working in a man\u2019s world.<\/p>\n As the owner of a New Jersey-based construction company specializing in commercial metal framing, I\u2019m typically the only female on a building site where I often supervise groups of men. Not something everyone is always comfortable with, but we\u2019ll get to that later.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a business I built with my best friend, husband of 30 years, and father of my two children, Ray. As an entrepreneur, wife, and mother, my life has always been full \u2013 and full of surprises.<\/p>\n But beginning in 2013, those surprises threatened to unravel my entire world.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the year my oldest brother fell ill suddenly and died. The following year, my mom passed away. Then in 2015, Dad died of a broken heart. Losing his wife of 64 years was just too much.<\/p>\n In between, Ray was diagnosed with cancer. As many people who have cared for cancer patients know, it was a living hell. After numerous treatments and an unsuccessful cancer trial, over a million dollars of savings spent, and $250,000 in debt with high-interest loans, my high school sweetheart passed away exactly two years to the day of his diagnosis.<\/p>\n It\u2019s true that death is part of life. But all this loss in such a short period of time felt downright cruel. Cruelty compounded by the call I got from the General Contractor, notifying me my company would be fired if I didn\u2019t show up in person at the current job site. So, the day after Ray\u2019s funeral, I put my boots on and headed back to work. I had to. If I didn\u2019t, the contract, the income we, now I, so desperately needed, would have died, too.<\/p>\n I learned later that day from an extremely apologetic client that none of it was true. It was all a lie perpetrated by a GC settling old scores. Turns out he had long resented me telling his guys what to do (a.k .a. \u201cDoing my job\u201d). This was his chance to get even. Imagine putting that kind of negative, hateful energy out into the world. Some call it karma.<\/p>\n Some people think karma is this thing where you\u2019ve done something wrong, so something bad happens to you as a result. Basically, you get what you deserve. Others think it\u2019s a form of punishment or reward from a past life.<\/p>\n Wayne Dyer says, \u201cHow people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.\u201d<\/p>\n I agree. I believe karma is life right now and your response to others generates yours.<\/p>\n In my life, karma has played such a significant role \u2013 in a positive way.<\/p>\n Looking back now to then, I sometimes ask myself, how much loss can one person take? Life\u2019s most unlikely, horrific, traumatic events can leave you in a heap on the ground or drive you to soul-search to find meaning beyond the chaos.<\/p>\n Like the legendary bird, Phoenix, who burned to death and then rose from the ashes as a newborn \u2026 will you build your own set of wings and Phoenix your way out of it, or wallow in the woes of what happened?<\/p>\n I learned that you never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.<\/p>\n Yes, getting out of bed the morning after Ray\u2019s funeral was difficult. But I actually thanked that GC. He made me get up, face life and get on with it.<\/p>\n That\u2019s been my approach with each new challenge \u2013 or challenging person \u2013 that comes my way. I thank it \u2013 or them \u2013 for helping me face and overcome whatever the particular obstacle.<\/p>\n I believe there\u2019s always something to learn, no matter what happens or how bad it gets. If we don\u2019t learn the lesson, we are bound to repeat it. It\u2019s like finding the light switch in your darkest hour. It might take a year or years to find it, but if you do find the value in the experience, you grow your own set of wings. No one except you can help you Phoenix up and get out of those ashes.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t believe a decade has passed since the beginning of that terrible time. My children are doing well. One of my sons is engaged to a lovely young woman I adore. I\u2019ve met a very kind man I enjoy spending time with. And, oh yes, business is booming.<\/p>\n I look at my life and the people in it, and I am so grateful for everything and everyone.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve learned a lot of important lessons. One of them is this: sometimes things don\u2019t work out the way you wanted them to, but if you have an attitude of gratitude and practice positive karma, sometimes they work out even better.<\/p>\n Learning to \u2018Phoenix Up\u2019 and out of grief <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":14145,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[176,178],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fall-2023","category-fall-2023-columns"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14096","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14096"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14096\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14459,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14096\/revisions\/14459"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14145"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14096"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14096"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14096"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Pat Miller is the author of Kicking Karma\u2019s Ass: Unbelievable Stories of Strength, Resilience and Perseverance, All Told with a Twist of Humor<\/em><\/a>. She is also the owner of Blue Diamond Construction in New Jersey and has more than 30 years of experience in commercial metal framing, working with general contractors, architects, engineers, and developers to design and build office buildings, apartments, supermarkets, restaurants, retail stores, and medical and educational facilities.<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"