{"id":15335,"date":"2024-09-23T11:14:51","date_gmt":"2024-09-23T11:14:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/?p=15335"},"modified":"2024-09-23T15:53:35","modified_gmt":"2024-09-23T15:53:35","slug":"ideas-the-power-of-hello","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/fall-2024\/ideas-the-power-of-hello\/","title":{"rendered":"IDEAS: The Power of Hello"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Mary Lea Carroll<\/p><\/p>\n

A<\/span>lmost every woman has a crisis in her 60s about her life purpose as she ages. It can feel like a dog-end stage of time.<\/p>\n

To help me with this, I began meditating earnestly. Ever since I could remember, to write a book seemed like reaching for a near-impossible golden ring. But now, in this desert landscape of age 60, what could I have to lose?<\/p>\n

But the challenge was so intimidating that my morning meditations took me to, \u201cOkay, since You, God, gave me this desire to write, You have to help me get there!\u201d<\/p>\n

Using this thinking every day, making it God\u2019s job to help me, my first travel book came out when I was 65. Saint Everywhere\u2014Travels in Search of the Lady Saints.<\/em><\/p>\n

It took five years! But by popular demand, the second travel book came out at age 67, and it only took 18 months. Turns out, this dog-end stage of time could be exciting!<\/p>\n

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Learning how to turn a stay-at-home negative into a positive. Photo: Mary Lea Carroll<\/p><\/div>\n

Discovering a solution to pandemic loneliness<\/h3>\n

But then the pandemic hit, and I had to stay home like everybody else. This was so frustrating and isolating for me. I\u2019d lived in my neighborhood for 40 years, and by that time, I was, frankly, bored by it.<\/p>\n

But just to get out of the house and pretend I was actually going somewhere, I took to ambling around my neighborhood on long, long daily walks, just walking and noticing what my neighbors were doing to get through the lockdown.<\/p>\n

I saw baskets of freshly picked citrus on walkways with \u201chelp yourself\u201d signs; lots of houses had \u201cour nurses are our heroes\u201d signs in their windows.<\/p>\n

One neighbor set up a bookshelf out front and loaded it with all kinds of foodstuffs, adding to it daily. The sign read, \u201cfree. Not the shelf.\u201d Cars pulled over, adding to the collection, not taking away.<\/p>\n

These acts of generosity kind of opened my eyes to see anew my neighborhood, the very place I so took for granted! It inspired me to want to do something, too.<\/p>\n

Out on the sidewalks, I now really looked around at my \u201clockdown\u201d place. No, not a cramped apartment in China, Spain, or even New York.<\/p>\n

No, I\u2019ve lived in a leafy, spacious neighborhood all these years. Beautiful, really. I scolded myself that gratitude better be my response to being stuck here, not frustration.<\/p>\n

With a new attitude of appreciation, I remember stepping out my front door and being struck by how much beauty was around me, the way the sun hit through the glimmering leaves of camphor trees that line the street.<\/p>\n

How utterly charming to see so many, many people now out walking their dogs; and discovering on my walks how many secret little gardens were tucked here and there that I\u2019d never noticed.<\/p>\n

With time to reflect, I realized what this place had always, quietly, given me: Good and peaceful neighbors, that our children grew up happy here, and that here, we could afford a house friends and family liked to gather in. All such extremely precious things!<\/p>\n

Normal yet precious at the same time. What else had I been disregarding? How about the cleanliness and the care other neighbors took with their homes and yards? They did this for the benefit of all who could see their places.<\/p>\n

Traveling the neighborhood<\/h3>\n

It occurred to me that if I can\u2019t travel the world–how about traveling my neighborhood and doing my best to reconnect with those I\u2019d lost touch with over the years? Almost become a tourist in my own place and perhaps rediscover a sense of belonging.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t easy just calling or texting someone I hadn\u2019t connected with, in cases, more than ten years! But, like traveling, you must sometimes force yourself. It became an adventure to see how bold I could be.<\/p>\n

I invited neighbors just to take a walk through the almost empty neighborhood streets. Some answered my texts with, \u201cWho are you?\u201d because just a phone number appeared; I\u2019d been dropped from their contacts long ago. But for those who could be reached, they seemed genuinely happy to take a fresh-air stroll.<\/p>\n

It was so simple\u2014just walking and talking with a neighbor, but it offered so many benefits! The pleasure of walking side by side down a shaded street and hearing what\u2019s going on from someone else.<\/p>\n

Who\u2019s having a baby, how much did somebody get for their house, what was that ambulance down the street all about. All the things one knows about when you belong somewhere.<\/p>\n

Turns out, that was what I really wanted: a renewed sense of belonging, which helped me feel happier and more committed to my surroundings. Spending time with those around me, instead of staying at my computer all day, was a tonic.<\/p>\n

Encouraged by the success of these meetups, I began striving to do more. The roses in my yard could be offered to cheer up a neighbor, right? And maybe cooking bigger meals again and offering dinner to someone, even someone as random as a neighbor\u2019s brother who was sick?<\/p>\n

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Making it a mission to reconnect with neighbors. Photo: Mary Lea Carroll<\/p><\/div>\n

Why not? What I learned . . .<\/h3>\n

A change for the better was happening within me. Before the pandemic, if a neighbor paused to say hi, usually I\u2019d keep it brief\u2014hurry on\u2014after all, who isn\u2019t in a hurry? But now, it has become an opportunity to offer someone complete, full attention, even when speaking six feet apart. Psychologists say this is what people want above all else.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s strange how difficult it can be to say hello to a neighbor you see often but don\u2019t really talk to. In fact, a famous British travel writer once said it is more difficult to look over the garden wall and talk to your neighbor about barbequing than engaging with strangers half a world away.<\/p>\n

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Give someone happiness. Photo: Mary Lea Carroll<\/p><\/div>\n

So, give yourself credit for even trying as you attempt to connect with those around you. There are dozens of ways to increase your contentment, connection, and enjoyment for the place you live.<\/p>\n

Everyone has their own ways. I kept a daily diary of what I had done that gave someone happiness that day, just as a feel-good thing that also encouraged me to keep going.<\/p>\n