C<\/span>hildren need grandparents, and they always have. We did not evolve to raise children with as little extended family and community support as most parents have now.<\/p>\n Grandparenting, when it goes well, is a win-win-win. It is a win for our grandchildren. We offer them a source of inspiration and, when needed, an oasis of emotional support. Because of this support, our grandchildren are healthier. Research suggests that children who have strong relationships with grandparents often experience better emotional and developmental outcomes.<\/p>\n It is a win for parents. As grandparents, we can help reduce the small, daily conflicts that begin to erode the quality of parents’ relationships with their children. Our presence helps parents listen with more patience and gives them more time to have fun with their children.<\/p>\n And, of course, it is a win for us. Spending time with our grandchildren not only brings us feelings of pride and joy; it is also good for our emotional and physical health. Although it is sometimes difficult to distinguish cause and effect, grandparents who spend time with their grandchildren live longer, happier, and healthier lives.<\/p>\n Our grandchildren need our support. They need encouragement in moments of self-doubt. They need someone to look up to – a model of caring, responsibility, and commitment – who becomes a guiding influence in their lives.<\/p>\n In school, children learn spelling and grammar, science, and history. As grandparents, we can support their education in a different way. We can help make learning meaningful. We can talk with them about how knowledge and communication have improved our lives, and about how they can make a contribution to solving problems and enhancing the lives of others, as adults or even now.<\/p>\n These conversations strengthen a child’s sense of meaning and purpose. They are just as important as making sure they have done their homework and correcting their mistakes, maybe more.<\/p>\n There is a picture in our home of our son, about one year old, looking admiringly at his grandfather, who is reading to him. In the photo, he is looking up, literally as well as figuratively. Most families have similar pictures, and fortunate children have memories, from a somewhat older age, of sharing simple pleasures – reading, cooking, playing games – with a beloved adult. The activities themselves are not very important; what matters is the feeling of being in the presence of someone they adore, who adores them, too.<\/p>\n Young children regard their parents and grandparents with a kind of awe that is difficult to recapture in adult life. This aspect of parenting is discussed far less often than it should be. A child’s admiration of her parents and grandparents is one of childhood’s most deeply felt emotions.<\/p>\n Because they look up to us, our pride in their character – their effort and the kindness they show to others – is a source of motivation and emotional support throughout their lives. As adolescents (or before), they will no longer look up to us in the same way they once did. But even as the magic of early childhood fades, a child\u2019s need for a parent’s or grandparent’s encouragement and pride does not go away.<\/p>\n This is the surest way to engage a child, of any age, in meaningful dialogue and interaction.<\/p>\n When we play enthusiastically with our grandchildren, they will be happier kids (and we will be happier, too). There are also other important benefits.<\/p>\n Extensive clinical, educational, and neuroscience research has shown the value of play for children’s social and intellectual development. Frequent interactive play is the best way to promote the social maturity of young children and an antidote to the addictive pull of screens.<\/p>\n Acknowledge their disappointments, frustrations, and feelings of unfairness. More than anything else, children need someone in their life who listens, who helps them feel less alone, and who teaches them that problems can be solved, relationships can be repaired, and bad feelings do not last forever. This is the best protection we can offer our grandchildren against the emotional pathogens of persistent anxiety, loneliness, discouragement, and self-doubt.<\/p>\n Young children are wide-eyed in their curiosity about our lives when we were young. Personal stories communicate to children that we have also faced problems and we have overcome them. When children are feeling worried, disappointed, or sad, personal stories are a source of encouragement and hope.<\/p>\n Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.<\/p>\n When talking about a problem, listen to their concerns. Then, express your concerns. Then, ask for their ideas about how this problem can be solved.<\/p>\n Helping others promotes a different sense of self and greater balance in children’s lives. Performing small acts of kindness can be a life-changing experience for many children and teens.<\/p>\n Offer support, don’t micromanage. We are consultants, not supervisors. When asked, we can give our advice (but with humility, not certainty).<\/p>\n Not just for their accomplishments, but for their effort and their kindness to others. Pride is more than praise for scoring a goal or getting an A.<\/p>\n Pride is deeper; it is about who we are, not just doing a good job. Based on my experience as a son, a father, a child therapist, and now a grandfather, I have come to believe that the words “I’m proud of you” are among the most important words a parent or grandparent can say.<\/p>\n Grandparents can play a powerful role in a child\u2019s life. Discover nine ways<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":17740,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[222,223],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17619","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fall-2026","category-fall-2026-features"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17619","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17619"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17619\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17905,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17619\/revisions\/17905"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17740"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17619"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17619"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17619"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Support Them, Teach Them, Inspire Them<\/h3>\n
Our Children Look Up to Us<\/h3>\n
Nine Tips for Healthy Grandparenting<\/h3>\n
1. Express enthusiastic interest in your grandchild’s interests.<\/h4>\n
2. Play and have fun with them, beginning in the first weeks of life.<\/h4>\n
3. Set aside time for patient listening.<\/h4>\n
4. Share personal stories.<\/h4>\n
5. Offer encouragement, not criticism.<\/h4>\n
6. Teach them to solve problems.<\/h4>\n
7. Join with them in helping others.<\/h4>\n
8. Protect your relationship with their parents.<\/h4>\n
9. Let them know that you are proud of them.<\/h4>\n
Kenneth Barish, Ph.D., is Clinical Professor of Psychology at Weill Cornell Medicine and a Fellow of the American Psychological Association. He is the author of The Art and Science of Parenting and Grandparenting: Raising Emotionally Healthy Children in a Challenging World<\/em><\/a> (Routledge, 2026).<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"