T<\/span>he traditional wife was once thought of as the woman who stayed at home and served her husband. She took care of the house and made sure he was comfortable when he got home from a long day\u2019s work.<\/p>\n I remember the 1950s television sitcoms of mothers making sure all the family personal needs were met and the house was in tip-top shape. This was our society\u2019s model of a wife, one who was constantly giving. But when did this woman take care of herself? It is very easy to fall into the trap of just doing for others and neglecting ourselves.<\/p>\n As wives, mothers, and caretakers, we often put others\u2019 needs first. This is especially true of the resilient women who are taking care of parents in addition to their own families.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a tough job with little recognition, and we must not ignore our own care to get it done. I\u2019ve heard women say they feel guilty for taking time to just read a magazine at the end of the day.<\/p>\n Are you kidding me? Ladies, taking time out for yourself is not selfish\u2014it is necessary. The \u201call care, no play\u201d formula does not work. It leads to women who are burned out, bored, and sometimes even resentful. One of the ways to show yourself some love is to take care of you, similar to how you show you love others by taking care of them.<\/p>\n Self-care is a key element in loving yourself, and it preserves your ability to function in and out of the home. You must learn how to love and focus on yourself, as we\u2019ve been so engrained to do just the opposite. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Simplified, this means you can\u2019t give if you\u2019re not whole. How can you function when your tank is on empty? You need fuel! That fuel is self-care.<\/p>\n As a physician, professor and wife, it is not always easy to balance all of the roles in my life. Between the commitments that I have to patients, the responsibilities to students, and my duties as a wife, I often feel pulled in competing directions. There is constantly someone requiring or requesting my attention, and I am usually happy to oblige. However I realized that to maintain the vigor it requires to fulfill my purpose, I have to take care of myself the way that I do the other persons in my life. I deserve the same level of consideration.<\/p>\n It is often said that being a mother and\/or a wife can be a thankless job. Well, it\u2019s time to start applauding yourselves and regularly doing things to take care of you. One of the most important ways to thank yourself is to schedule time for refueling. This can be as simple as carving out some quiet time to yourself at the end of the day and adding an activity that you enjoy into your weekly or monthly schedule. I have learned to work self-care rituals into my regular routine, and so can you!<\/p>\n First, make a list of all the things you enjoy doing (outside of being with your spouse or kids). It can be anything. I\u2019ll share my list: going to the movies, pampering myself with manicures, waxes, and massages, and going out to dinner with my girlfriends. Next, figure out the frequency that you need to fill your tank.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s my schedule:<\/p>\n Pamper: one or two times a month.<\/strong><\/p>\n Dinner with girlfriends: once every one or two months.<\/strong><\/p>\n Catch a movie: once a week (yes, the movie theater is my local heaven).<\/strong><\/p>\n After you have made your list, place it on your calendar or in your phone. I believe in the power of putting things in writing to make them a reality. This is mandatory.<\/p>\n Now, your calendar is not to be filled with bad habits. I said self-care, not self-destruction.<\/p>\n Binge-eating, heavy alcohol consumption, and pretty much anything that can result in you getting arrested are off the list. Those are extreme cases, but the same rule applies for pretty much anything that could result in stress. For example, I avoid gossiping and watching reality shows with fighting because it makes me feel heavy with bad emotions. I get tense and uneasy. If you get this same reaction with any particular activity, avoid, avoid, avoid.<\/p>\n Another important way of caring for yourself is to plan and schedule a day off from responsibilities.<\/p>\n We have all taken days off from work for doctor\u2019s appointments, to stay home with the kids, or to go to a family event. Guess what? Those don\u2019t count for your \u201cme time.\u201d You may have used your paid time off for these things, but don\u2019t be fooled\u2014those were working days.<\/p>\n Here is my next request: I challenge you to take a day off from work to do what you want to do. It can be any day of the week. Send the kids to school and kiss your hubby goodbye. Then, it is \u201cme time.\u201d You can do what makes you happy and feel at peace. It can be absolutely nothing. On some of my days off, I have stayed in my pajamas all day with the remote in one hand and popcorn in the other. It was heavenly. I also have spent days off catching a matinee, meeting a friend for lunch, or having a shopping excursion.<\/p>\n The last, and possibly the most important, way to take care of yourself is to consciously choose to put your phone down. This might be the toughest challenge of all for my working ladies. However, if you do not need to have the phone on for anything work-related, I suggest trying a weekend day off from your conversations. This includes email, phone, and text.<\/p>\n The beauty of technology is that people can reach you in a trillion ways. The downside is that it makes it harder to unplug from all of this. The days of just unplugging the house phone are prehistoric. However, you can put your phone down.<\/p>\n I do this at times when I feel overwhelmed. It\u2019s perhaps my grown-up way of taking a time-out. Even though I didn\u2019t throw a tantrum to get there, I really do feel calmer when my time-out is over.<\/p>\n We as women are constantly juggling career and family. Every now and then, we need to step back and take a breather. Put the phone down, clear your mind, and do one of the self-care activities we\u2019ve listed. You will return rejuvenated.<\/p>\n This advice does not only apply to working wives and mothers. Ensuring that the proper practices are in place for self-care is a universal concept along the relationship continuum.<\/p>\n From single and dating to married with children, we as women struggle with focusing on our own needs. Overscheduling, devoting attention to our friends and loved ones, and personal goals often take precedence over our focus on making our health and wellness a priority. Some of my patients without spouses or children get even less sleep or pampering as they often prioritize dating and career goals over self-care.<\/p>\n My advocating for self-care is not a plea to ditch all of your responsibilities. It is simply a reminder to take care of you. No matter where you are in your life or relationship journey, you absolutely must carve out time for yourself. Your body and mind will thrive and everyone in your life will appreciate the happier you.<\/p>\n How to refuel your tank. Self-care tips.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1002,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,63],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fall-2016","category-fall-2016-columns"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4590"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4606,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4590\/revisions\/4606"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1002"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Taking Time Out is Not Selfish<\/h4>\n
Schedule Tine for Refueling<\/h4>\n
How to Do It<\/h4>\n
Plan A Day Off<\/h4>\n
Unplug<\/h4>\n
Step Back and Take A Breather<\/h4>\n
Dr. Ayo Gathing is the co-author of The Modern Trophy Wife: How to Achieve Your Life Goals While Thriving at Home<\/em>. More information about Dr. Metzger and Dr. Gathing can be found at themoderntrophywife.com<\/a>.<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"