{"id":7546,"date":"2018-07-17T16:27:31","date_gmt":"2018-07-17T16:27:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/?p=7546"},"modified":"2018-07-18T15:42:00","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T15:42:00","slug":"ideas-want-to-get-thin-so-you-can-be-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthyaging.net\/magazine\/spring-summer-2018\/ideas-want-to-get-thin-so-you-can-be-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Ideas"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Nancy Bryan, Ph.D.<\/p><\/p>\n

\u201cI<\/span>\u2019m so unhappy because I can\u2019t get thin.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you believe this, you\u2019re setting yourself up for a tremendous amount of frustration and disappointment. That\u2019s because it simply is not true that being thin will make you, or anybody, happy. From a neurological and biochemical perspective, it would be far more accurate to say \u201cI\u2019m not thin because I\u2019m not happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Through years of research and personal experience, I have seen that lasting serenity and happiness will curb the desire to overeat, which will cause pounds to slide off on their own. The real challenge is not to get thin but instead to achieve this calm-inducing state.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Obstacles Standing in the Way<\/h3>\n

Achieving this calm-inducing might sound daunting, but in fact, it all boils down to the removal of the two types of obstacles that stand in the way of achieving this highly desirable state of mind.<\/p>\n

The first of these is personal: Dissatisfaction is our human nature, courtesy of 4 million years of evolution. As Patrick Manning explains in an essay in the little book The Way of Gratitude, \u201cWe human beings are hardwired to persistently seek the satisfaction of our need \u2026 we are strongly disposed to focus our attention on what we lack.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, this is a habit of mind that keeps us in a constant state of disgruntlement. And chronic dissatisfaction is a surefire driver of compulsive, out-of-control consuming. Whether it be food or any other item\u2014behavior that is actually the polar opposite of satisfaction.<\/p>\n

Our evaluations of ourselves are so harsh as to be utterly ludicrous, as Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz pointed out in How to Be Your Own Best Friend. She writes, \u201cPeople think their choice is between being perfect and being the worst thing that ever lived.\u201d In A Mass for the Dead, William Gibson wrote, \u201c[For me] the notch below infallibility was humiliation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Perfectionists Set Up Road Blocks<\/h3>\n

How does an unrealistic perfectionist approach makes it so difficult to shed your extra pounds? Well, while you\u2019re feel anxious over not being perfect, your body is undergoes what\u2019s termed \u201cthe stress response.\u201d It pours out a variety of hormones to deal with the stressful situation, which is often self-inflicted.<\/p>\n

One of these hormones is named cortisol. Its popular name is \u201cthe belly-fat hormone\u201d because it preferentially directs fat formation to the belly, which makes any attempt at weight loss harder than it would otherwise be.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, it seems utterly impossible that we could have driven ourselves onto this joyless treadmill of overachieving. The sad thing about our failure to believe in ourselves is that, as Hakuyu Taizan Maezumi points out in The Way of Everyday Life, \u201cit\u2019s like a person with a pocketful of money starving in front of a restaurant because he\u2019s unaware of the money in his pocket.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the Good News<\/h3>\n

But the good news is that anyone, anyone at all, has the choice of jettisoning\u2014just like that\u2014the totally unrealistic and self-defeating beliefs that our culture seeks to impose on us.<\/p>\n

No one has to be the person starving, unaware of the money in his or her pocket. A change in how to see that comes before you understand what actions are necessary to reach any goal\u2014weight loss or any other goal\u2014can be sudden and for good.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like shaking a kaleidoscope: One moment, there was one pattern. And the next moment\u2014out of the same materials\u2014another, prettier pattern has come together. In a wonderful book titled Counterclockwise, Ellen J. Langer spends a lot of time to discuss the concept of mindset. A mindset is a habitual way of looking at the world that can prove to limit the achievement of your potential. But Langer states over and over, forcefully, that any negative mindset can be changed\u2014quickly and effectively.<\/p>\n

Need for a Better Mindset<\/h3>\n

The realization of a need for a better mindset can allow us to pursue goals of good health and personal attractiveness without having to resort to self-criticism or feelings of anxiety, which, as I mentioned, are completely counterproductive and can impede progress toward our desired goals.<\/p>\n

The right mindset is one that brings true satisfaction: feeding our insides so we\u2019re able to do without feeding our outsides quite so much. All that counts is keeping our peace of mind in the present because doing that will make it unnecessary to overeat now. In \u201cA Tangerine Party,\u201d an essay in The Way of Gratitude, Thich Nhat Hanh mentions the concept of \u201csavoring,\u201d being fully aware of and totally immersed in the sensuous beauty of any experience.<\/p>\n

If we want to fully grasp the dimensions of a new serene and happy mindset, we need to become acquainted with the specific tools that can be used to sustain your equanimity all during the day, every day.<\/p>\n

Tools to Help You<\/h3>\n

First consider the \u201cSerenity Prayer\u201d used by 12-step organizations: \u201cGod, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.\u201d<\/p>\n

These few simple words could also be renamed the \u201cserotonin\u201d prayer, because the relaxed, accepting state of mind the prayer recommends is a pathway for the production of serotonin, the \u201ccalming hormone,\u201d in the body. No one could have expressed it better than Fred Roh\u00e9 in his The Zen of Running: \u201cWe create the quality of our own experience.\u201d Chinese culture has an advantage in having formulated and embraced the notion of wu-wei, translated roughly as \u201ceffortless effort\u201d.<\/p>\n

Meditation is another tool. The practice of meditation alleviates tensions in the mind and is directly connected with feelings of serenity. Meditation is not limited to closing your eyes and keeping quiet for 15 minutes a day morning and evening. Your daily practice merely shows you what a serene state of mind feels like, so you can then try to keep that feeling going all during the day.<\/p>\n

In addition to daily meditation practice, you might consider starting to use a mantra: a short word or phrase repeated all during the day that serves to keep your thoughts on track and your attitude of giving thanks intact. My favorite one is \u201ccalm and grateful\u201d because it reminds me at all times of the two major qualities I am trying to cultivate.<\/p>\n

I once tried to think of a way to best explain the kind of relaxed attitude you need to have in order to function well in life while keeping the background anxiety in your life to a minimum.<\/p>\n

As I drove down the Pacific Coast Highway one day, I saw the surfers riding the waves and knew that this was what I\u2019d been looking for. John Lilly had discovered this analogy, as well, and called it \u201ccosmic surfing.\u201d<\/p>\n

People who want to learn to surf just wade out in the breakers and start trying to ride with the waves that come crashing upon them, wave after wave after wave. You can\u2019t learn to surf at all if you stand out there yelling, \u201cWhy are all these damn waves happening to me, anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n

The only thing that works is just to be out there because\u2026<\/p>\n

The waves never stop coming.<\/h4>\n

They come in different sizes\u2014some easy, some not.<\/h4>\n

You need to pick ones you can handle and try to sidestep the bigger ones until they no longer overwhelm you.<\/h4>\n

You need to move with them, not fight them.<\/h4>\n

Every day, you practice riding with the stressful events in your life while at the same time you, practice keeping your inner serenity and gratitude intact.<\/p>\n

A calm, happy mind is needed for the body to change. When anxiety slips away, you give up asking yourself, \u201cWhen can I eat next?\u201d And thus, you simply eat less. Once a serene state of mind becomes a habitual, ongoing part of your mental outlook\u2014mindset\u2014it\u2019s practically guaranteed that you\u2019ll find ways to be successful with whatever you are trying to accomplish in life. And that includes weight loss.<\/p>\n

Nancy Bryan, Ph.D. is the author of the revised and updated edition of <\/em>Thin is a State of Mind (first published in 1980 by Harper & Row, and subsequently by CompCare Publications) and has spent her entire working life as an editor. She is currently working on a forthcoming title, <\/em>Metathinking: Working Knowledge for Women.<\/em><\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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