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<\/a>A<\/span>s an organizational psychologist and with 28 years of working with the top three levels in Fortune 100 companies, I\u2019ve noticed some common themes with some of the most successful people in the world\u2026<\/p>\nSee if you can identify with any of these:<\/p>\n
\u2022 I\u2019m not any harder on others than I am on myself.\n\u2022 I\u2019m harder on myself than anyone else ever is, and it\u2019s never enough!\n\u2022 This isn\u2019t rocket science. Why is it so difficult to find people to do their jobs?\n\u2022 I wouldn\u2019t have these issues if I were allowed to hire my own people!\n\u2022 You say \u201cperfectionist\u201d like it\u2019s a bad thing.\n\u2022 I wish everyone were like (the one you\u2019re accused of favoring).\n\u2022 I only want what\u2019s best for everyone.\n\u2022 I am not angry!<\/p>\n
At first glance, these belief systems seem rational, logical, and part of the success formula for the high achiever… Or are they? I call them \u201cB.S.\u201d: belief systems that hurt leaders because of their unintended consequences in their relationships at work and at home\u2026<\/p>\n
B.S. No. 1: A Leader\u2019s Job Is to Whip You Into Shape<\/h4>\n
If I can do it, anyone else can. And it\u2019s my job to push you to your highest potential. I\u2019ll never forget my first year in my doctoral program…<\/p>\n
I\u2019d taken an internship on the East Coast with a prominent consulting firm and loved that my nickname was \u201cThe Ice Queen of Attila.\u201d I had a reputation for cracking the whip. And I thought that was a good thing.<\/p>\n
But my partner in charge pulled me into his office one day and asked why I was so tough on people. I answered that I was trying to make them into better people and that it was for their own good. He thoughtfully retorted, \u201cDid they ask you to make them better people?\u201d<\/p>\n
That was an aha moment! I could be hard on myself to my heart\u2019s discontent, but I had no right to make others miserable. Leadership by dictatorship went out with assembly lines.<\/p>\n
B.S. No. 2: Perfectionism Is a Noble Endeavor<\/h4>\n
The majority of leaders I\u2019ve met are recovering perfectionists. And their abilities to be effective was highly correlated with their levels of recovery. My focus on perfectionism robs me of the joy of accomplishment.<\/p>\n
On the one hand, the benefits of perfectionism are that I work very hard, I set and meet goals, and I get a lot done. But working 60 to 80 hours a week takes its toll on health, wealth, and relationships. And all that usually throws the perfectionist to try even harder… But it\u2019s never enough!<\/p>\n
Picture a horizontal line where the left end is zero or start and the far right is 100% and finish.<\/p>\n
High achievers are almost always at 88%. They tackle all goals, jobs, and projects with gusto and quickly get to the 88% yard line.<\/p>\n
The 12% gap between where we are and the finish is where we live. It\u2019s where the tension is, what still has to be done, what isn\u2019t finished, and what\u2019s still wrong. The good news is that it gives us the impetus to strive. The bad news is that it\u2019s where stress lives. And that anxious feeling will take a toll.<\/p>\n
And then the straw that breaks the overachiever\u2019s back is that if and when we do hit the 100%, we\u2019re off to the races on the next project, goal, activity and right back at the 88% mark. The lesson in this line? We need to stand at the 88% mark. And instead of lamenting what still needs to be done, we need to turn around to look at the 88% that\u2019s been done, accomplished, or completed and smile with a \u201cwow, that\u2019s great work\u201d to ourselves and others. By doing this, we\u2019d reduce our stress by 88% and also give ourselves and others the validation we crave.<\/p>\n
B.S. No. 3: I Need Smart People to Execute; I Don\u2019t Have Time for This Touchy-Feely Stuff<\/h4>\n
Every single one of my executive coaching clients has started with the same vent: \u201cI don\u2019t know why things have to be so difficult. It\u2019s not rocket science; it\u2019s common sense!\u201d<\/p>\n
My response hasn\u2019t changed: \u201cThere\u2019s one organization where pure logic and rational thought prevail\u2014where there are no politics, power plays, peripherally located egos, conflicts, and miscommunications: the cemetery!<\/p>\n
Where there are no people, there are no problems!<\/p>\n
Once my clients accept the B.S., they spend less time fighting the illogical, irrational part of organizational life and can allow for natural human dynamics at work. That takes 88% of the angst out of the situation. And that\u2019s when processes and plans can be made that harness the great parts of having humans at work: creativity, inspiration, collaboration, synergy, and joy.<\/p>\n