The language that has come to define growing older may be well-intentioned but it\u2019s restrictive and can be self-deprecating, insulting, assumptive and even cruel.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, you\u2019re retired! What are you doing with your days?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m too old for that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s having a senior moment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOops, gotta run to the bathroom!\u201d<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s not always other people\u2019s comments, it\u2019s our own ready-to-use defense mechanism or built-in excuse, like when we\u2019re worried about age performance (\u201cCan I do this as well as I did 20 years ago\u2026should I even try?\u201d).<\/p>\n
But the truth is: every time you self-identify as old, doesn\u2019t it affect you, somewhere deep inside?<\/p>\n
Each time you dismiss something and use your age as an excuse — whether it\u2019s real, or in jest, or just a toss-off — you are making yourself less than who you were before.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve always lived in a youth culture<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s face facts<\/h3>\n
Historically, society has not been on the side of those of us leading the charge of the Silver Tsunami. Marketing, advertising, fashion, movies, the media — they are all still salivating for the 18-35 year olds.<\/p>\n
We get it. After all, we were the prime marketing target as we tripped through Elvis and the postwar boom; Woodstock, free love and getting high; and the Me Decade, complete with lava lamps and fondue. There was even a time when we didn\u2019t trust anyone over thirty. Old people, to be honest, was about them and not us!<\/p>\n
Here we are moving into older ages but guess what? We still have that spirit within us, kids, so don\u2019t automatically address us as \u201csenior citizen\u201d, \u201cretiree\u201d or \u201cold fart\u201d. Those are labels from society\u2019s mouth, not ours. They lead to being pigeonholed as possibly too old to do something younger people do.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s be real: we\u2019re still going to ask for a senior discount at the movies. But to be defined as a \u201csenior citizen\u201d or \u201cretiree?\u201d No thanks.<\/p>\n
Now it\u2019s still our time<\/h3>\n
While the world around us is busy dismissing the over-50 set, we need to be emphatically positive about facing our age — yes, with both its bonuses and it limitations — and embrace it with newfound joy and the gusto we\u2019ve always carried within us.<\/p>\n
After all, we\u2019ve been there, done that. The young are the ones who don\u2019t know themselves like we do, who\u2019ve not yet enjoyed the richness of long and stalwart friendships and relationships, who prefer screens to face-to-face.<\/p>\n
We like what Madeleine L\u2019Engle, the author of the children\u2019s classic, A Wrinkle in Time, said: \u201cThe great thing about getting older is that you don\u2019t lose all the other ages you\u2019ve been.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now you\u2019re playing sports with a different group, because you\u2019ve been designated by age, not talent; getting emails about reverse mortgages instead of adventure travel; social invitations begin to include you only with others in your age group — not an array of people of all ages with different viewpoints and stories to tell.<\/p>\n
Intentionally or not, we do little things all the time that are designed to give us confidence, make us feel better about ourselves, act as badges of self-esteem. A great haircut, a new suit, checking our posture, keeping current by reading the new book or seeing the movie that\u2019s in the zietgeist.<\/p>\n
These things, packaged together, make you, you, a you that keeps improving upon yourself. Everyone else notices: \u201cYou look great.\u201d \u201cNice suit.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s an interesting take on that novel.\u201d Take note of the things you do and the comments and compliments you receive that make you feel great — and work on dismissing the words and deeds from our culture that don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
How We Are \u201cStill Kicking Ass\u201d<\/h3>\n
Both of us have worked hard to steer the constant conversation about age from being detrimental to our psyches. After more than thirty years day-to-day in the kitchen, Emily, a James Beard Award-winning pastry chef, has shifted her culinary career to cooking at fundraisers, designs dessert menus for Big Night Restaurant Group in San Francisco, is a James Beard Foundation Trustee, and is studying the art of making chocolate.<\/p>\n
Every time someone asks if she is going to stop working, she answers, \u201cWhy would I stop now? I\u2019m having too much fun.<\/p>\n
Erin recently moved back to her hometown after forty years in New York City. When old friends say, \u201cHey, so you\u2019re retired now!\u201d she always answers, \u201cNo, I moved, and I\u2019m doing something else,\u201d and tells of her part-time job and whatever book she\u2019s currently writing.<\/p>\n
Growing older is an art, and we each have to be mindful and constantly aware not to get stuffed into the cubbyhole that society (and younger people) want to put us. In our book, SO WHO\u2019S COUNTING?: The Little Quote Book About Getting Older and Still Kicking Ass, we focus on empowerment, positivity, and humor.<\/p>\n
Offensive jokes about losing your eyesight, sagging body parts and creaky bones are not to be found. Our mantra isn\u2019t, \u201cLet\u2019s sit this one out.\u201d It\u2019s \u201cStill Kicking Ass.\u201d We\u2019d rather think like Anna Quindlen, who sees herself not as a dusty antique, but as a work-in-progress. She insists, \u201cA finished person is a boring person,\u201d and we agree.<\/p>\n
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We should all be thinking in the future, not the past, tense, like tenor Robert Breault:<\/p>\n
\u201cThe older you get, the fewer things it seems too late to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Because while the world around us often treats us as invisible, we\u2019re plotting and planning. People our age need to enroll in Ian Fleming\u2019s school of thought: \u201cNever say \u2018no\u2019 to adventures. Always say \u2018yes,\u2019 otherwise you\u2019ll lead a very dull life.\u201d (And who knows more about adventure than Ian Fleming?)<\/p>\n
Now that sounds like someone who understands the art of aging — or rather, the art of living life.<\/p>\n
The truth is, when you look around, you see — and hopefully feel — that older is getting younger all the time. Which makes us want to heed musician Patti Smith, who is determined to ignore the language of others, and rule by action:<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to be around a really long time. I want to be a thorn in the side of everything as long as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
A very appealing thought, don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n