21 Aug AGING: Ten Keys to Aging Well
We all age, but not everyone ages well.
Aging well is thought to consist of these factors: physical health and functional status; mental and cognitive effectiveness; social support, including having friends of all ages; being positive and optimistic; and having a purpose that is greater than self.
In connection with these factors we make many choices along the way, even beginning in our 30s and 40s, that lead to aging well. Aging well is central to thriving.
The benefits of aging well are significant and include, among other things, having more energy and stamina, reducing aches and pains, having a sense of meaning, developing better relationships, and experiencing more happiness and enjoyment in life.
Another benefit of aging well is living with more vitality, which reflects mutuality and reciprocity. With this in mind, I highly recommend reading Younger Next Year: Live Strong, Fit, Sexy and Smart—Until You’re 80 and Beyond, by Chris Crowley and Henry Lodge, MD.
Are you aging well? In what ways? What choices are you making?
As we go through life, several factors contribute to aging well. When we age successfully, we stay engaged and active, and our life finds purpose and meaning. That depth of being is a tremendous gift to ourselves.
To age well, we must allow ourselves to be impacted by our experiences and be open to learning and growth so that we feel ourselves sprouting and blossoming.
We can age well only if we retain much of our youthful enthusiasm and imagination. People with a young psychology enjoy taking calculated risks and embarking on new adventures. When aging this way, bad times can make good times even more beautiful. As Hank Thompson said and sang, “The older the violin, the sweeter the music.”
As we age, we can enter a phase where we let things take their course. Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, said his father was initially a high achiever. As he got older, he started to let go of his need for power and control. And as Ram Dass’s father got very old, he let go more and more until he was just a silent, smiling Buddha.
Aging well requires maturing.
“Some people grow older in years but don’t age well, and their interactions with the world remain immature,” as Thomas Moore eloquently writes in Ageless Soul: The Lifelong Journey toward Meaning and Joy. They may be active, but their actions lack a deep understanding and connection with the world around them. They stay focused on themselves, lacking empathy and a sense of community. They are unable to open themselves emotionally to others and can’t form deep connections. They tend to hold on to anger and other negative emotions rather than processing and releasing them. They may have developed coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with their emotions, and over time, they may have lost the motivation or hope for personal growth and maturity.
As Benjamin Franklin said, “Many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.” However, none of these things are inevitable—it is possible to age well.
With all these things in mind, we can make choices that can significantly affect whether we age well. Here are my ten keys to aging well, with a focus on emotional and psychological aspects:
1. Be Positive
This includes being cheerful. Being optimistic and positive gives us power, whereas fear and pessimism diminish our power. Studies have shown that being positive adds 8-9 years to our lives!
2. Have Purpose
Which gives us energy and a degree of vitality. It gives us strength to continue on in the face of difficulties and resistance or when progress is slow. Having purpose also helps with decision-making, clarifying what’s important and what can be set aside. Without a meaningful purpose, we can get sidetracked and begin to pursue trivial things. We can become susceptible to the false gods of money, power, status, and toys.
3. Be Grateful
Which includes being thankful and showing appreciation. These lead to generosity and are an opening to serve others and our environment. Gratitude is like a muscle. The more we do with it, the stronger it gets. The great open secret of gratitude is that it does not depend on external circumstances.
4. Be Curious
This includes being a lifelong learner and allows us to enjoy new and unexpected things. It makes life more fun, and it can be a valuable tool in conflict resolution.
5. Have Humor
This includes both about the situation (ha ha, there are those construction workers slowing up traffic again during rush hour) and about ourselves. Laughing at ourselves allows us to lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously.
6. Stop Self-Sabotaging
Which is when we don’t step forward – applying for a job or promotion, volunteering, or many other things – saying they won’t accept me, or I can’t, or I’m not good at something. When we do this, we’re not even giving ourselves a chance to be in the game. If you hear yourself self-sabotaging, stop!
7. Forgive
Both others and you. Everyone I know has had an experience when they felt they deserved an apology and didn’t get one. If we carry that around with us, it becomes a heavy weight we carry in our backpack. Instead, take an honest look. What did you contribute to this? To get through this, maybe write a letter (you don’t have to send it) explaining the situation (from your perspective, obviously), say how you felt, and that you deserved an apology. Then let go and forgive them. Same goes for things you did when you were not your best self. Apologize, turn these into valuable lessons and forgive yourself.
8. Let Go
Recognize that we don’t control as much as we might like or think we do. The truth is that we only control four things: our attitude, the amount of effort we are willing to put into something, how we behave, and the actions we take (or don’t take). After that, it’s about other people, and we can only influence them. If we handle ourselves well, our influence can grow.
9. Have Friends of All Ages
Most people seem to have friends who are about their age. This is understandable. However, by having friends who are older and younger than we are, we learn a lot from them – including how they view the world, the way they communicate, and new technologies – and we can help them by being a mentor.
10. Be Love
In our society, we tend to think about love as romantic and typically conditional and private. This type of love is praised in our society. However, this type of love is not the universal kind that connects us all. Aging well includes being love as a public social good, which includes being kind, respectful, caring, listening, asking questions.
Aging well is very much about key choices we make and offers us the opportunity to live a thriving and fulfilling life.
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